Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones Review - Part II

...Continued from Part I.

Light saber, light schmaber

The Jedi light sabers (that come in different candy colours for different people, so you can tell them apart even from great distance - apparently Sam Jackson was successful in requesting a purple lightsaber for his character!) are a pivotal item for the whole Star Wars franchise, which now spans 3 decades. That's about how old and unimpressive they look. The effect just isn't that good anymore, but I understand nothing can be done about the old-fashioned lightsaber technology, especially because of the prequel-sequel nature of Episode II.


Fancy creatures

In Attack of the Clones, the Clones are actually the least impressive life form but they manage to impress by sheer numbers. However, other fancy aliens and large, carnivorous animals are abundant in this movie. Anakin feels compelled to ride many of them, which in some scenes looks quite fake and perhaps should have rather ended up on the floor of the cutting room.

Obi-Wan Kenobi Obi-Wan is tasked to discover the identity of a would-be assassin, and his mission takes him to a distant world where he learns of a mysterious clone army apparently commissioned for the Republic a decade ago (hence the title of Episode II: Attack of the Clones). Ewan McGregor plays the now mature Obi-Wan Kenobi but of course he struggles filling Alec Guinness' shoes who played the Jedi Knight in the initial Star Wars Trilogy. The lines that he is given certainly don't leave him much room to demonstrate his acting ability. Looks like George Lucas opted not to give Obi much of a personality. His Jedi Starfighter (with long-distance module) is quite impressive though. Wouldn't mind having one of those myself.

Star Wars Episode II Pictures: Obi-Wan Kenobi

Episode II - The Story

Yes, there actually is some story but it appears to be constructed only so the Industrial Light and Magic team can show off cool effects. A separatist movement consisting of hundreds of planets and corporate alliances is stirring up more trouble than Jedi forces can handle. The bad guys send in battle droids, the good guys counter with an army of clones. That's it. The proceedings are interspersed with the aforementioned romance between annoy-boy Anakin and cutie-pie Padme Amidala.

The Good Bits It's nice to see Padme in casual clothes, getting involved in action scenes. In this movie, people tend to fall out of high-speed vehicles in mid-air a lot, but they hardly ever get a scratch from these stunts. Padme falls out once too and rolls down some sand dunes. Anakin falls out a lot actually - a few times intentionally (because 1 mile(!) below is another space ship or similar that he catches in free fall) and a few times he just crashes or gets shot down. Amazing. The good bits really are the battle scenes and animated environments that create the sense of size and awe. As I mentioned, this gets better later in the movie.

Star Wars Episode II Pictures: Padme Amidala kicks butt

Episode II, the video game?

There are a few scenes, mostly chases, that feel like you are watching (or even playing) a video game. Steer your stunt car through oncoming traffic or between exploding meteorites! Another memorable scene is Padme and Anakin on a conveyor belt full of Mario64-like obstacles and threats. Jump, duck, jump jump slash roll evade jump jump attack...

(Most Star Wars video games actually focus more on space combat, ala Jedi Starfighter).


The bad guys: Jango Fett and Count Dooku

One of the bad guys is Jango Fett, a bounty hounter for hire. Jango has become the template of a mysterious clone army being developed on the storm-shrouded world of Kamino. The problem with Jango Fett is that he is not scary and not very smart either. He observes an explosion in the direction that he just fired his gun and concludes that "this Jedi wont bother them ever again". Yeah right. Jango has an annoying son called Boba and Boba's role is mainly to attempt to laugh fiendishly but really it just sounds fake.

Star Wars Episode II Pictures: Jango Fett and his pea shooter

Count Dooku is played by Count Dracula (funny choice!), oh I mean, Christopher Lee. He puts in a respectable performance but also struggles with the ridiculous things he has to do. When he gets unfriendly with our heroes, he shoots electricity out of his finger tips. Oh well. Either way, he is the master baddy, an ex-Jedi that now rallies 1000s of solar systems against the republic. He likes to hang around forsaken dusty planets where they build lots of battle droids (which luckily gives rise to one of the most impressive visuals of Episode II).

Star Wars Episode II Pictures: Count Dooku-la

Attack of the Clones - worth seeing?

If you like stunning computer graphics, then yes, go see it. Episode II Attack of the Clones does look good. Surely you're not there for the story, right. I mean... in short, Anakin finds his love interest, so we will see their offsprings in future movies... Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. That's really it, there is not more to it. None of the actors leave any impression, other than Natalie Portman who is a bit older now and looks quite cute. Most of the time she looks like a dear in the headlights, but then again.. that's her role. If you were her, could you convincingly play Padme falling in love with the annoying post-puberty Anakin?